Ever get tired of hearing that seemingly ubiquitous buzzword: networking?

Networking, Networking, Networking.

It seems to be increasing in importance as the rise of technology leaves people with large a quantity of contacts, but low quality of relationships.

That’s where networking comes in.

Networking can conjure up a variety of images and has both positive and negative connotations. Some think of it either as a time of potentially meeting new friends and sometimes enjoying free food or a time filled with artificial conversation, hidden agendas, and games of “who can collect the most business cards”.

So, what is networking? The following definition of networking from Herminia Ibarra and Mark Lee Hunter of Harvard Business Review is a good basis:

“[N]etworking [is] creating a fabric of personal contacts who will provide support, feedback, insight, resources, and information [and] is simultaneously one of the most self-evident and one of the most dreaded developmental challenges that aspiring leaders must address.”

Why is networking so crucial to professional success? Either it will help you attain a leadership position or it will be what sustains your success when you reach that position.

So, what can we do to network strategically, but still feel genuine and sincere?

No Agenda

The first hurdle in networking is to get out of your comfort zone.  You don’t have to feel self-conscious introducing yourself to people, especially if you approach them in a spirit of sincere curiosity or from a service standpoint—how do you think you could help them out? The best time to network is when you don’t need anything. Then you can approach new acquaintances without fear that any hidden agenda (new job, more sales leads, ect.) will make them hate you.

How to Make Small Talk Deep

After you’ve gotten over the initial fear of networking, you can keep your conversations question-based. Everyone likes talking about themselves or what they love. If you keep the conversation flowing with questions about their interests, you won’t have to feel like a fraud, and you could learn a lot. Instead you will be making a real connection. When they are telling you about themselves, be present in the moment. Don’t spend your time wondering how what they are saying can benefit you. Rather focus on the conversation and try to find points of commonality. Even if you detest small talk and find it horribly boring, if you are asking appropriate, insightful questions, you might just surprise yourself with how much more truly engaged you are with the conversation.

How May I Help You?

After you’ve asked all your questions and you’ve gotten to know the person better, you will be able to know if you can offer any help to them. Pay attention to any pain-point they have in business or personal life. If you have any expertise in the matter, or a contact you’d think would be relevant or helpful, following up with an email or a call the next day establishes real repartee and makes you a giver, not a taker.

Stay Humble

The last facet of networking is being humble. You may eventually need to call upon your network for support, help, or advice. In that case, it may hurt your pride to ask for help or you may feel like an inconvenience. Just remember that most people are happy to help, especially if you have proven helpful to them in the past. Being humble and asking for help does not have to feel like a quid pro quo situation. If you have networked from a standpoint of sincerity and support, instead of trading favors in a mercantile fashion you will have created a true network of support and collaboration. Networking is not about passing out as many business cards as possible, nor is it about seeing how much you can get others to do for you. The real aim of networking is to pay it forward and to build each other up. Creating not only mutually beneficial solutions for colleagues, but also occasionally sacrificing your time or talent when you find yourself able to help.